How to make your relationship stronger

                 How to make your relationship stronger

Love is an important element and foundation of the relationship you have with your life mate. Love is patient, Love is kind…. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

The word love is used so loosely in the English Language today. We love our pets, but that’s different than loving our mates. We can love a piece of music, our child or the cool breeze of a spring morning. There’s even the term “Love” in tennis. 

We are capable of loving a close friend, our jobs, and our favorite meals. Love also represents very different emotions. What sets apart the emotion we have for a wife or a special woman? Falling in love is surely different than these other loves.

Learning more about this word love will help us better understand how this relationships often start out like any other emotion, but then progress to the point where both people desire a lifetime commitment together.

Love is far beyond just feeling, and we all know from past experiences that feeling “in love” can be misleading and is often very fickle. Today the feeling is here, and tomorrow it’s gone. Individuals who make decisions based on their feelings are usually unstable in other areas of their lives.

Scriptures gives a very clear definition of what biblical love is all about. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is probably the most used scripture at wedding ceremonies (in both religious and nonreligious weddings):

  Love is patience, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.

 love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, hopes, always persevere.

 Mother Teresa Coded this: "love is a fruit in season at all times,and within reach of every hand. anyone may gather it, and no limit is set. everyone can reach this love through meditation, spirit of prayer, and sacrifice by an intense inner life."

The scripture describes three types of love.

1.  “Eros,” or erotic love,

This type of love is driven by physical attraction to another individual. We feel sexual desire toward that person. This type of love can arrive quickly and has a very strong appeal. 

Young love is usually this type. As men (because they are more visual than women), you need to distinguish this as a “red flag” in a relationship.

 Eros certainly has its place in a marriage relationship, and a well-rounded, intimate relationship will certainly have this type of love evident. But Eros love, if not discriminate used, can end up controlling your life.

 This is an emotion that needs to be controlled by you. Don’t be carried away by your senses during your early courtship. Eros love occurs and is important in females, but it is usually develops at a slower pace than with male. 

    2. The “Philo” Love

Philo Love is often referred to as “brotherly love”. This kind of love is one you share with a close friend. It comes about after spending a great deal of time with someone.

 That’s why many marriage counselors recommend that courtship before marriage should last a minimum of one year. The more we know about an individual, the more likely we will become a “Philo friend.” Married love is healthiest when it comes out of a friendship relation. That’s one of the purposes of dating. 

We get a chance to truly know the one we are going out with. This love is extremely important in finding your life mate. Philo love can be extended to your next door neighbors, a teammate in sports, and a fellow worker, someone leading a small group of which you are a member.

How are we led to have this type of love? Not like Eros which is based on physical attraction. Philo is developed as a person’s character traits and interests become known by you, and you realize that those traits are ones you value.

Your wife should be your favorite’s friend of the opposite sex. However, you can and should have other Philo friends of your gender. Men tend to be loners. I encourage you to have several other friends. Be careful when dealing with ladies who want to be your friends when you are married. 

We all need to have acquaintances but we also must guard our hearts when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex.

How to express your love

• There are many ways by which we can express love.

• By saying it often

•   Through hug
•   Through kiss especially to married couples

•  Through giving and sharing

•  Outing, etc

We develop Philo love when spending time together by going on picnics, hiking, sharing, sport activities, going to theater, watching movies, sharing bags of popcorn. Our Philo friends bring out the best in us. We love to be around them. They help civilize and inspire us.

Men and women are different in how they progress from the first meeting to sexual fulfillment. Male tends to go from Eros love to Philo love, but female often develop Philo first then go to Eros love. 

Your wife or girl friend might make a statement such as, “he grew on me!” what she is saying is that she developed Eros love after getting to know you as a friend. Even after marriage, never forget the need of the woman in your life. She wants you to be her number one friend of the opposite sex.

Philo love can be turned off by the words we use. Words that convey anger, arrogance, self-pity, selfishness, resentment, and mistrust are negatives in your relationship. Guard your Philo love with words that encourage, inspire, compliment, and show respect and appreciation.

        3. The Third one is the Agape Love.

Agape is the most common word for love in the New Testament. This love actively seeks to do the right thing for and meet the needs of the loved person. 

Agape Love sacrifices personal feelings and need to meet the needs of your spouse. In agape love we willingly give up our rights, our desires and our demands to fulfill our partners’. We may come home from work too tired to be kind or romantic to our spouses who need our loving attention.

 But agape love moves beyond what we feel like doing. It patiently seeks to discover and meet the needs of the other, no matter what the personal cost may be. So we rise above ourselves and meet the need of our spouses.

All facets of love must reside within the boundaries of agape love. Our goal as Christians is to allow agape love to penetrate and rule the other two dimensions of love in our lives.

 In order to allow agape love its rightful place, we must first know Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior and be submissive to his leadership. If we haven’t made this basic commitment, you cannot move beyond Eros and Philo love.

 Many marriages can survive on these two dimensions of love alone, but it is God’s will for Christians to allow agape love to dominate all their relationships, bringing more depth and love to marriage. Agape love is the concrete in the foundation of a relationship that is ready to commit for life.

You can also have agape love for people to whom you are not married. Your children, your parent, your fellow Christians can all experience an agape love with you.

All the three types of love should be experienced with that one person you wish to marry or are married to. The more you know about love, you’ll be able to love your wife or partner